Updated: Jun 29
In the movie Seven Samurai, the farmers were seasonally pillaged by the same bandits. When they finally had enough of it, they set out to hire seven samurais to defend them. However, when they find seven samurais, the leader of the samurais decides that the farmers need to be involved in fighting the bandits. Even though the farmers have zero fighting experience, the samurais felt that the farmers could be of vital use. So the samurais had the farmers build defensive barricades; trained them on how to use long spears in battle; finally, teach them the fighting strategy needed to defeat the bandits. When the bandits finally arrive, the samurais and farmers were able to destroy all of the bandits over a few days. Putting an end to the constant pillaging. And the only reason the farmers were able to get this victory was due to their willingness to be involved in the samurais' battle preparations.
When it comes to our NoFap journey, we too have to be involved in its preparation. However, not many people understand what is needed in the preparations for NoFap, causing them to fail frequently. Yet, in this article, we are going to discuss the three things needed for a successful NoFap, which are:
Social Life Effort
When you look at anybody who has done something successfully, you'll notice that most of them had a clear vision of what success looked like. Whether it is the MMA athlete envisioning his way to the belt, or the businessman imagining his start-up's success.
Most people that are successful at something have a vision.
Yet, when many of us start our NoFap journey, we have a vague idea of who we want to become with NoFap. We go on the internet and see all the benefits that NoFap brings, but this isn't enough for people in committing to NoFap successfully. And the reason for this is because people don't have a clear vision of who they want to become from NoFap.
When I first committed to NoFap, I was 26 and heavily addicted to fapping.
Yet, when I discovered the NoFap subreddit, I was blown away by what NoFap could offer. So I took some time to think about the person I truly wanted to become which was confident, not conflict-averse, charming, bold, etc. The person I envisioned was so clear that I decided to commit to NoFap until it came true.
So on my first NoFap run, I went 100 days.
Mind you it ended when I found a girlfriend. But 100 days on my very first run and what helped me was the vision. Trust me, I had some uncontrollable urges and difficult nights where I was irritable, you name it. I had some rough days. But that vision of the person I wanted to be so badly is what helped me commit.
I knew that becoming the person I envisioned was more important than a quick fap session.
And when you have a clear picture of who you want to be, then you can refer back to it whenever you have those rough days or uncontrollable urges. What you can do is, write out the type of person you want to be. Write it out with all of the characteristics you want, and look at it every day at least once. For those difficult days, look at it multiple times.
You want this vision to be ingrained in your head.
Because when your urges are trying to lie to you, you want to be able to ignore them and realize that you are trying to achieve something great in your life.
Mind you, the vision is the core of your NoFap journey, but it can't be the only thing you have to commit to it successfully. That's why you need to supplement your vision with a strong social life effort.
Social Life Effort
One of the mistakes many people make in NoFap is just staying at home after work or school. They think that committing to such a difficult task can be done by being lazy. Unfortunately, this is a horrible method. Because, when you are committing to NoFap, you need to discover new outlets for your excess sexual energy. Otherwise, the energy will build up causing you to slip.
So the best thing you can start doing is to make a stronger effort in your social life.
And when I say social life, I do not mean scrolling through social media and liking your friend's pictures. What I mean is physically going outside of your home and interacting with real people. You have to understand that humans are social beings and we crave genuine human connections. Social media only offers a shallow version of human connections. So it is your responsibility to get your social needs met. And lucky for you, this is not a complicated task.
What you need to do is the following:
Find a weekly social hobby
Initiate social hangouts with a friend or friends on a weekly basis
These two actions will fulfill your human interactions. For the weekly social hobby, this can be a rec league sports team, board game group, etc. Just find an activity you like and find a group where you can meet weekly. This is a great way to meet people and make new friends. Since you are engaged in an activity you enjoy, you can easily have conversations about the shared interest and naturally take the friendship outside the social hobby. Making friends as an adult is not complicated, it just requires a little effort.
The same goes for initiating hangouts with friends or friends.
All you have to do is choose a friend you want to hang out with and set something up. Now some people will think this might be being needy, but it's not. You just message a person to hang out and if they say no or don't respond, you just message another friend. Plus, with the people you meet at your social hobby, you can also initiate a hangout with them as well. If you are meeting up with friends on a weekly basis, you are going to feel socially fulfilled. You'll have a good time, perhaps deepen a friendship, be invited out to other social hangouts, etc.
It really is a snowball effect where your social life can be vibrant if you can make a little effort.
And on a side note, ensure you read the book How to Win Friends and Influence People by Dale Carnegie. I know it's a corny title, but the social skills this book will teach will make you a pleasure to be around. So ensure you read it. Anyways, I digress.
With an engaged social life, you are giving your excess sexual energy the outlet it needs.
On NoFap, you are going to find yourself expressing your personality naturally and be at ease with people around you. And the best part about all this is that your engaged social life will help make your urges disappear. It's as if you come to bliss after a socially fulfilled day.
However, for those days where you have nothing socially planned and the urges are coming at you hard, it's best to have some defense mechanisms in play.
Being on Nofap, one of the things you'll quickly notice is when the urges are coming in like the blitzkrieg. Those days will come. Even though you have your vision and social life, you will still find these days hard. However, if you have defense mechanisms in place, you will be able to keep your urges at bay.
A defense mechanism is a simple action you take when your urges feel incredibly intense.
And the simple actions I recommend to people are:
Going for a 20-minute walk
Calling a friend
Obviously, there are more, but these are the few I use and have found them to be very helpful. Once your defense mechanisms are chosen, you have to display some discipline. Meaning that as soon as you feel your urges being too much, you immediately engage in one of the defense mechanisms until the urges disappear. It might seem like a pain at first, but you have to realize that NoFap is hard, and very few people commit to it.
However, with your simple activities, you are breaking your bad fapping habit after any hint of an urge.
And building a new habit where you learn to engage with the world. You have to understand one thing, all the great pieces of art and culture are a by-product of sexual energy. The movers and the shakers of the world used their sexual energy for a purpose. However, for people who are addicted to fapping, we have to train ourselves to redirect our sexual energy from fapping to taking part in some activity.
So the more you commit to your defense mechanisms, the sooner you will be teaching yourself to be more productive with your sexual energy.
And after 60 days (the time approximately needed to overcome a fapping habit), you can then use your sexual energy in any pursuit you want. Instead of being lethargic or apathetic, you will have the energy to take action and chase your goals. People will find your personality either attractive or repulsive (but I'll cover that in another article), you will naturally feel confident, and the world will feel like a place to explore rather than scrolled on the phone.
Life is incredibly short and the most valuable asset you have is yourself. So ensure you are using your sexual energy appropriately.