Whenever I watch movies based on the slave eras (Romans, Middle Ages, American), I notice a similar behavior amongst most slaves.
During the Middle Ages, you'll see the slaves or serfs nodding to always agree with their lords, and often saying 'As you wish my lord' or 'Yes, my liege.'
Or during the American slave era, you have the slaves saying 'Yes Massa.'
Regardless of the era, you see the slaves vying for the validation of their owners.
Yet, when seeking validation from others, we are engaged in the same slave behavior we often think is tragic.
I know this sounds odd, but think about it.
If you are making an effort to gain validation from someone, whether it be your boss, an attractive lady, a pseudo-friend. In your heart, you are treating that other person as your master, as their acknowledgment of you is what you are seeking.
And in a lot of cases, people's lives are dependent on this acknowledgment.
You might understand this problem as putting someone on a pedestal.
And you're right if you thought that.
Whenever you put someone on a pedestal, you are effectively making them your 'Massa.' Whether it be getting a smile, a laugh, or anything from them. You value it too much.
And the other person, who feels that you are sucking up, can't help but look down on you.
I emphasize the can't help.
Because whenever you are vying for another's validation, that means you have to degrade yourself. And unlike the slaves of the past that were born into their situation (or extremely unlucky), modern-day people choose to be slaves. And often, they do this without recognizing it, which is far worse.
Remember this: most, if not all, of your problems can be solved when you have a strong sense of who you are.
And to get to this stage, you have to resolve your internal conflicts. Because if one part of you is faulty, then your entire being is undermined. Of course, I would highly recommend therapy. In addition to therapy, I would also highly recommend finding a support group. Having a strong support group to help each other with seeking answers, getting advice, and just having fun, can make the journey of personal development a lot less scary. And in my membership, that's what we aim for: a community that helps us grow and enjoy life.
Anyways, your life is your responsibility, so ensure that you are not doing anything to undermine it or make you act like a slave.
Until next time,
Bulcha
The Charismatic Nerd
P.S. I got this idea from the book Restoring Pride: The Lost Virtue of Our Age by Richard Taylor. Highly recommend this book.