My brother,
When it comes to building confidence, there is no hack.
You have to build it up consistently every day to a point where no external material or person will ever be needed for your confidence.
But how?
You need to start building a life you enjoy.
You need to build a passion for your life.
You can’t expect things to come to you in life. No, you have to seek it out. And over time, your confidence will grow.
So what are some actionable things to do to build a life that develops your confidence naturally?
Read books: Expand your mind, gain wisdom, develop your internal self. When things get tough or you have a problem, you can rely on the answers you have found in books written by people who were nice enough to leave us their wisdom. Plus, most people don’t read books regularly, so this will make your mind stand out amongst your peers.
Work out: Listen, I am not saying to go and be Arnold Schwarzenegger. What I am saying, is start working out to look better for yourself and prove to yourself that when you stick with something, positive changes can occur. Whether that’s losing weight, gaining muscle, being ripped, being strong whatever. Start working out and over a few months you will be surprised by your results. And you don’t need a gym if you can’t afford a gym or the gyms are closed. You can do bodyweight workouts, you can get resistance bands (Lifeline TNT cable is my favorite), kettlebell. So no excuse for not working out.
Learn to be social: This might be a little tough with all the quarantine, but you can still have an active social life. Reach out to old friends and see what’s new. Go out in the world and take part in social hobbies (with social distancing haha), meet new people. Make it a habit to talk to strangers, the cashier, the Uber driver, etc. Be more social, and over time you are going to be more confident in social situations.
Have your own hobbies: What passions do you have? Think about it. What is it that you like doing where the time goes by too fast? Find that hobby and commit time to it. When you have a hobby or two, it adds to your depth. You are more than a person who just watches Netflix, sports, get’s drunk, or plays video games. You’re a person who has serious interests and commits to interesting personal projects. Go out and be an interesting person.
All the things I am mentioning are requiring you to go out and live. Even though it might be scary or intimidating, realize that it gets easier over time. When you have this passion to live life (which will end one day), your confidence will naturally soar.
And the funny thing is that through all this living, you are giving yourself real proof for solid confidence.
When you tell yourself that you are an interesting and fun person to be around, it will be believable since you read books, are social, and have hobbies.
When you tell yourself you are an attractive person, it will be believable, since you work out and are social with women.
When you tell yourself that you are happy, it will be believable, since you built an enjoyable life, and whether people stay or not, it doesn't matter, because you know how to live.
Now, this is a lot of stuff but I can’t stress enough that you need to have a passion for life. Your love life is an echo of your regular life (got this from the Book of Pook). If you’re living a life you love, you are bound to meet people who want to be with you.
So instead of focusing on girls, focus on how to build the life you enjoy.
And all the other stuff will take care of itself.
I hope this helps