The skill to help you reach most of your goals

KFC is the most paranoid restaurant chain.

I know that seems odd to hear. KFC is rarely in the news, yet many people don't realize the lengths they will go to keep a secret.


They will involve departments across the country to protect one simple secret. So what's the secret they are trying so hard to protect? Their 11-ingredient secret for their fried chicken, of course.



Now it might seem overkill.

But other companies rival KFC for hiding secrets. We have Coca-Cola, Dr.Pepper, Bush's Baked Beans, and Famous Amos Cookies.


One other company that rivals KFC's willingness to keep secrets is Mcdonald's. Their most important secret is the Big Mac sauce recipe. The sauces come pre-sealed to restaurants to ensure nobody gets an idea of what's in them. I can't blame McDonald's and the other companies for taking precautions because it's worth the extra effort to protect their secrets.


Yet, there is no secret to the skill of getting the things you want in life. It's the most known thing in the history of humankind, but in the modern era, we seem to have forgotten it.


So what is this not-so-secret thing?

It's relationship-building skills.


Boring!

I know, but hear me out.


I'll explain why improving this skill will give you almost everything you want.


But let's start with WHY we need this skill.

One thing you have to realize is that we are all human beings. And as a result, at the core, we are all the same.


Meaning that we all have the same needs. And one of those needs is other people. We have to be social with other people.


It's ingrained in us.

Whether it was cavemen, Romans, Nubians, Mongols, etc., we all existed in groups and interacted inside and outside of them. And what binds all these various groups are relationships.


With relationships, we build trust.

With relationships, we execute on goals.

With relationships, we find meaning.


So if you want to find love, a great social life, or a great career, you need to start with your relationship-building skills. Because the more relationships you can build (and maintain), the more you can get out of life.


Okay, so how can I improve this skill?

Excellent question, my dear Watson.


The best way to hone your relationship building skills is by the following:

  • Initiate contact

  • Genuinely listen

  • Don't criticize

  • Genuinely compliment (and not flatter)

I'll explain each one.


Initiate contact

Building relationships requires initiative. Most people today are afraid to make the first move. So instead of waiting on the other person, take the initiative.


Be the one to ask them to hang out, invite them out, and make them part of your life. If they reject many times, you have the sign to not put any more effort into them. But if they accept, then you have the beginning of a relationship which could be mutually beneficial.


Genuinely listen

Most people don't listen properly. They listen to say something. If you take a step back and listen genuinely. Where you are asking interesting questions, making non-verbal cues, and allowing the person to speak their mind. People will be pleasantly surprised by your company. And as a result, they will be more inclined to spend time with you. Despite this, make sure to stray away from criticisms.


Don't criticize

I got this from the OG Dale Carnegie. People are more sensitive than they let on. So a little bit of criticism will hurt.


It doesn't matter if the person is rich, poor, young, or middle-aged. People do not like criticism. So stay away from it, and people will love to spend time with you. Allowing relationships to strengthen.


And last but not least, genuinely compliment.

This modern era makes it hard for people to gain genuine compliments. Many people will go on working hard and trying to be trouble-free. Yet, they rarely hear praise.


But if you're a person who goes out of their way to find something worthy to compliment, people will appreciate it. They will feel better, and thank you for it.


Unlike flattery which does not take much effort.

Genuinely complimenting people requires effort. And as a result, it will leave a mark on others since they will remember how you made them feel.


So that's a quick rundown of relationship-building skills, but you have to be tactful in applying them.



Who should you apply this skill to?

You want to apply this to people you want to build relationships with. Mind you; not everybody will want to have a relationship with you.


But who cares.

Your wants determine your life. And you have to choose the people you want in your life.


I know this is selfish, but it's okay.

Your life is your responsibility, so you need to choose the people you want to invest your limited life to.


So the next time you find someone you want to develop a social link with, follow the four simple steps I listed.


As much as this all sounds nice and dandy.

You have to realize there will be challenges.


You will get rejected.

And it will hurt, but accept it.


Life is suffering, and when you are willing to go through the suffering, that's where you will find heaven.


So go out in the world, mingle with people, and find those who will value you as much as you appreciate them.


And over time, you will taste the fruits of labour more than the pain of rejection.


Too many people are afraid of getting hurt.

Not realizing that playing it safe will hurt them a lot more.


Even after all this, some people will not be convinced.



Some people complain that nobody wants a relationship with them.

In this case, if this is your state, then you need to start at ground zero.


Which is getting your personal affairs in order.

Meaning, see a therapist, get fit, clean your room, etc.


The quality of your life starts with you.

And if you're not doing well, it's going to be hard to do anything, let alone build relationships.


And honestly, I was a guy not too many people wanted to be around. But I started working on myself. I worked out, read books, became more social, and saw a therapist. And from there, I was able to apply those relationship-building skills with ease.


So don't give up.

Work on yourself, and then go build relationships.


Anyways, let's get to an example.

When I worked at a psyche hospital, I was on a unit with the typical middle-aged grumpy staff.


These were the people who were hard to please, annoyed easily, etc. And being a naive 21-year-old didn't help me get off the right foot.


So for a couple of years, I was a staff member people were 'meh' about. Yet, when I was 24, I read How to Win Friends and Influence People which taught me all those relationship-building skills and more.


And Boom!

People started to warm up to me. I would start conversations, listen, compliment, and not criticize. And after four years, I was one of the most beloved staff members.


All because I cultivated relationships with each staff member. And this came with perks, where I could leave early, have an extended lunch break, etc.


My work ethic didn't change.

My job didn't change.

The staff didn't change much.


All that changed was me applying those skills I mentioned earlier. And it has paid serious dividends.


So don't think relationships will not get you far.

Relationships will give you almost everything you want, because in this day and age, if you want something. You'll realize it is attached to someone else.


So find people and build relationships.


However, there is one mistake people make during this journey.



People are afraid of others' judgement.

Again, this is a problem in the modern era where the fear of judgement will hold them back.


This is a case of immaturity.

Because mature people know that most people are too busy thinking about themselves and their insecurities.


People are not thinking about you!

I don't say this to be a dick, but to help you be free. You have to understand that we are all human. We all crap, have insecurities and have highs and lows.


And in all that, people are at the centre of their attention. So don't get caught up in being judged.


Anyways, before you guys start judging me, let's wrap this up with a summary.


Summary

  • Relationships are the core of human experiences. The sooner you can build relationships, the sooner you will get the things you want in life.

  • To improve your relationship-building skills, do the following: Initiate contact, genuinely listen, genuinely compliment, and never criticize.

  • Only apply relationship-building skills with people you are interested in.

  • The main challenge with building relationships is rejection. But that's normal. The sooner you accept rejection as part of the process, the better.

  • Some people will think that nobody wants to have a relationship with them. If that's the case, start at ground zero. Work on yourself via therapy, working out, etc. Once you are good, you will find people more interested in you.

  • A common mistake is the fear of others' judgement. People are too busy thinking about themselves to judge you. So don't let that hold you back

I will say this until my dying days:

Life is incredibly simple, and it's people who complicate it.


The late Kevin Samuels said something insightful that encompasses the simplicity of life.


He said Life is about people, Life is about relationships.

And that is the most honest thing I've heard in a while. People of all ages or centuries have known this. And used it to create great empires, businesses, or a loving community. It's the recipe for living an extraordinary life. And you don't have to worry about any company or person trying to steal this secret.


Until next time,


Bulcha

The Charismatic Nerd