Say you're learning a new language. You got your textbook, downloaded any relevant apps, and have your video lessons ready. You feel the enthusiasm and can't wait to start your journey of being a polyglot.
So you open the lessons and dive right into the content. Everything seems nice on the theoretical side. However, when it comes to practicing the verbal aspect of your new language, you run into a little bit of trouble. You have a hard time pronouncing the words and putting the sentences together. It all just feels mechanical speaking this foreign tongue.
You hear the instructor in your video lessons pronounce things perfectly, and you try to emulate them. But for whatever reason, you just sound off and awkward.
When you're a socially awkward nerd, this is what it feels like when you try to start dating. You watch all the pickup artists on YouTube, memorize the lines and rules. But for whatever reason, your execution is not smooth and you're left feeling frustrated. Possibly thinking you're going to be alone forever. But that doesn't have to be the case. In this article, we're going to look at three simple concepts that can help any socially awkward nerd improve their dating life. These three concepts are:
NoFap
Being more social
Have no expectations
Part 1: NoFap
Now, this might seem odd. What the heck does NoFap have to do with dating? Well young grasshopper, it has everything to do with dating.
As a dude, you have to first learn how to deal with sexual tension
And the first place to start with is the sexual tension in your body. When you abstain from fapping, you are going to feel a lot of strong urges. These urges are going to tell you to cave in and give up on NoFap. However, this is where you learn to deal with sexual tension.
By learning to stand your ground and be okay being uncomfortable, despite your urges assaulting your mind with reasons to give in. You are learning to deal with not only sexual tension but the tension in general.
Because if you happen to find yourself in a high-pressure situation, your experience in dealing with your sexual tension will give you the confidence to navigate it.
But how does all this help with dating?
Well, by learning to deal with tension, you will have the courage to embrace the tension that comes with asking girls out. Even though it might be uncomfortable at first, you will still feel confident with pursuing women.
And even if you get rejected, it's not going to bother you too much
Since you realize that if you can deal with the sexual tension in your body via NoFap, then you can follow the simple tasks of asking women out.
That being said, to ask out women on dates, you need to meet more women. And this is done by being more social.
Part 2: Being more social
One of the complaints I hear from a lot of dudes is that they don't get many chances to meet women outside of school or work. So as a result, they just kind of give up on dating.
However, this is foolish. Because if we look at the history of mankind, a lot of men did not have trouble meeting women.
And the reason for this was because they were more social
And when I say social, I don't mean giving a like on a friend's post on Instagram. What I mean is going out into the world and interacting with people!
When you make a concentrated effort for your social life, you will meet a wide variety of people, including women. A daily effort on your social life will yield surprising by-products such as:
Meeting more interesting people
More possible romantic opportunities
Networking opportunities
By being more social, you will not only have a better dating life but a more vibrant life!
This all sounds nice and dandy, but let's be a little more tangible
To start improving your social life, follow these two principles for now:
Join a social hobby that is weekly (i.e. rec league co-ed team; dance class)
Initiate hangouts with friends
With the social hobby, this allows you to meet new people and hopefully start building connections. Because with your new connections they might introduce you to their social circle which could have interesting people you might want to interact with. By widening your social circle, you are also increasing your dating opportunities.
As for initiating hangouts, you want to develop relationships with people. By being the one who reaches out and cultivates the friendship, people will come to see you as a sociable person. And over time, these deeper friendships might get you invited to parties, group hangouts, etc. Thus widening your social circle where you can meet more people to network with, date, or birth new friendships.
So the next time you catch yourself saying you have a dating problem
You need to correct yourself and tell yourself that you have a social life problem. And that can be fixed with consistent effort.
However, even though creating a great social life can help one's dating life, it's best not to have too many expectations in any of your interactions with new women you meet.
Part 3: Have no expectations
I remember reading a quote from Charles Munger (Warren Buffet's business partner) saying that the key to a happy marriage is to have low expectations.
Well, this advice isn't only sound for marriage but also for dating
When you are out and about interacting with women, don't have any expectations that anything will come out of it. Because if you start putting expectations on your interactions with possible romantic partners, you will feel the pressure to succeed. And with the pressure to succeed is the fear of failure. Leading you to try and act perfect or cool. Which only suppresses your authentic self, making you seem like a very ordinary individual.
So free yourself from the shackles of pressure
And just have no expectations. Whenever you meet a cute lady, treat her like the human being she is and don't expect much. Mind you, still, ask her out and all, but don't think that you have to succeed. If it turns out well, bonus. If not, no problem. You just keep moving along in your life.
You have to understand that your dating life is an echo of your real life (credit to Pook for this). So if you have no expectations from people in general, a fun social life, and can deal with the sexual tension in your body. Well, more likely than not, you will have a vibrant dating life as a by-product.
Too many people (and dating coaches) unnecessarily obsess about dating. When in reality, people just need to work on themselves and their life. Because a healthy, confident, and social dude will rarely have a hard time dating.
However, some of you are wondering if you can just do online dating instead of putting in all this effort
I understand the allure of online dating. You just have to log on to your phone and swipe right or left. But here is the thing, the algorithm on these dating apps will determine who to match you with. So instead of going through the thousands of profiles yourself, you actually get a small percentage of profiles.
This isn't fun.
Being at the mercy of the algorithm takes away the power you have over your dating life. So to counteract this, you have to delete these dating apps or sites. And go build a life where a great dating life can be a by-product.